The Marriage

holdyourhorse

February 28

My husband and I currently watching Love is Blind on Netflix. It is NOT because we love love - it is because we love comedy and we never laugh harder than when we watch Love is Blind.

No, it's not a comedy. It is reality. (For whom? We do not know.)

If you are not familiar with the series, Love is Blind is a "social experiment where single men and women look for love and get engaged, all before meeting in person." The singles (aged 25-35, because obviously single women over 35 are unloveable) enter soundproofed "pods" where they are not able to see each other, and must rely solely on their communication to establish a connection. Over ten days, many of them form relationships and a handful of the participants get engaged, without ever having seen each other. They are then whisked off for a tropical vacation, where they determine if the physical attraction matches their initial connection.

In the first few episodes, the participants are tasked with getting to know each other in the pods. The conversations usually touch on past relationships and what they are looking for in a romantic partner. Many (many!!!) of the participants wax poetic about the future they envision: "I imagine the two of us growing old, sitting on the porch in our rocking chairs..." "Picture it: Christmas morning with the fireplace and the tree and a couple of kids." "I see us in a cute little house with a white picket fence."

They are saying these things to people they met two hours ago.

It feels like they are living in an alternate reality.

Have they ever met people who are married? Have they ever met a husband and/or wife? What exactly are these people basing their assumptions on?

The participants have all come into the social experiment claiming to be ready for "marriage" - but it is very clear that these people have no idea what marriage actually is, and that they will be extremely unprepared for what awaits them... And I'm not just talking about asymmetrical faces and fatties*.

(*I can use this term because I have a BMI of 30+.)

These people are NOT saying, "I envision walking into the bathroom after you and the sink is full of your beard hair AND pubes." Or, "I want to walk into a room and have it smell like farts." Or, this one: "Picture it: I am woken in the night because of the sound AND smell of your farts."

Now, I'm not saying marriage is ALL farts - but it's a lot of farts.

Let me put it this way, if you don't like the smell of farts, I wouldn't get married.

I have been married for almost 18 years (I realize that transition makes it sound like I like the smell of farts. I most certainly do not. I only knew about the farts after I got married, and now I'm committed), and I love my husband. I do. He's a wonderful man with many wonderful qualities. 99% of the time I am really happy that I said yes to our betrothal and can look past things like him not buying the right kind of toilet paper, eating the entire bag of mini peanut butter cups (and not even offering me one), and burping when we have sex. The other 1% of the time I curse him and his ancient lineage.

People like to say that marriage is hard work, and they are right. It's very hard work. Like, the hardest. It's like being a stonemason, brickmason or block mason (I looked it up and these are officially the hardest jobs), but harder, and with less (no) money.

All this to say, it would be good (and help the census in terms of divorce statistics), if more people were more honest about the reality of marriage. It is a big commitment - especially if you don't like the person and/or their face. (I highly suggest looking at someone's face before getting engaged and/or married to them.)

Marriage is no walk in the park, or walk on the beach, or walk anywhere really. It's like a marathon, but longer and there are more tears.

(Man, I am nailing it with these similes.)

I'm no expert (wait - maybe I am???), but I think the keys to a successful marriage are as follows: